Book Promo, Nonfiction, Self-Help

Change Your Mindset Not Your Man by Sally B. Watkins


Many women are disappointed, frustrated, and despairing about their relationships with men. Growing up with Sleeping Beauty, Barbies and  romance novels, we don’t realize how the happily-ever-after myth contributes to our relationship misery and failures.  My book is the message I needed as a young woman– that there is no substitute for growing a self and creating a full passionate life, that a man can’t possibly be your fulfillment.  It’s hard on the guys when we women want what they have not been socialized to provide.  They’re prepared to do the heavy lifting and make money but when we  ask them to be sensitive and attuned to our many emotional needs  it naturally makes them defensive and angry and they often conclude that there isn’t any way to please us.  The conflict comes from trying to get happiness, validation and love from your partner when the only one you can change is yourself!

My book spells out exactly what it takes to find contentment with your normally flawed and imperfect guy the way he is.  Complaining and even couples counseling can be disastrous if fixing him is the goal.  Your thoughts and stories may be helping or hurting you.  I show you what it takes to lead by example when you are the one with more relationship skills and needs and have been socialized for relating.  Everything from the best therapies, what I’ve gained from my own life, and what my courageous and beautiful clients have taught me is here.  Finding your authentic self and the power to accept the things you can’t change will make you a more confident person and a truly loving partner.


Sally B. Watkins M.S.W., LCSW

I grew up in a Pennsylvania household with violence and deprivation.  The happily-ever-after story was one I clung to in the unheated attic of my childhood room where sleep came fitfully to the sounds of my parent’s battles.  I was a writer even then and imagined in poetry my prince just like the one in Cinderella.  Like many women I went through much of my early adulthood searching for that perfect someone to love and care for me.

Self help books, therapy, and groups helped me find that person that I am today.  I graduated from the University of Maryland at Baltimore with a master’s degree in social work and before that with a bachelor’s degree in education from Carnegie Mellon University.  In addition to my twenty year psychotherapy practice I continued to be a writer– grant writing, personal journals, short stories, essays and writing classes.  My published work includes magazine articles and a regular column for a local newspaper.  This is my first book, CHANGE YOUR MINDSET NOT YOUR MAN.

I now live in El Dorado Hills, California with my husband Warren.  My two sons are grown.  I enjoy cooking healthy food, working out, hiking, playing tennis, reading, and sailing in the Pacific Northwest.